Written by Rabbi Marcia Plumb
I have been friends with a Muslim woman for several years. A few weeks ago, we were at the same rally in Boston about the Israel/Gaza conflict. I was so pleased to see her that I went to give her a hug. She was quite cool. I suddenly realised that she and I were probably on different sides of the debate. I was sad to see that our different opinions about the conflict seemed to displace our friendship. My follow up request for a chat still hasn’t happened.
This is a small story–we all know harsher ones, where people have treated each other much worse.
As a society we are desperately in need of renewed civil discourse. We no longer seem to care what we say to others, and how our words and actions will hurt family, friends or strangers. We are consumed with being right and making sure others know it. Each time we act like a pit bull (no offense to pit bulls!) and snarl or snap at each other, in person or on social media, we fray our societal fabric a little bit more.
But how do we regain politeness, restore calm, and engage in discussions that help us learn as well as teach? How do we find fundamental respect for other human beings again, especially when we disagree?
High Holy Days, and the month before, Elul, are about repair. We have alot of repairing to do as a society. How do we do it, and where do we start?
The ancient Jewish wisdom of Mussar has created a path for us. It teaches calm, patience, humility, thoughtful speech and more. I have followed it in the tough conversations I have been having this year, and have found it transformational.
Our world needs Mussar so badly right now, that during this month of Elul, I will bring you a bit of its wisdom regularly and how it can help us repair the torn fabric of our society.
Maybe together, day by day, we will rebuild our spiritual muscles of respect/kavod and civility.
Maybe, by the time the election comes around, we will even be able to have civilized talks with those on the other side of the political divide.
Come back next week, and we’ll begin to change our hard conversations into ones of growth.
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